I would like to talk about starting and finishing this morning. This is an activity we engage in all day long. For instance, as soon as we wake up in the morning, we think about making breakfast. We have in our mind’s eye, perhaps, bacon, eggs, toast, and coffee. Right then we have made an object of this delicious breakfast. It is not yet our content so to speak, it is still something to be attained, there is a space between the subject, and bacon and eggs as an object. This ‘space’ needs to be closed, we need to grab that outside “object”. When the food is made and then eaten, it is no longer outside of ourselves, it has literally become our content. Subject, object, and the space in between have come together as a whole. Now we can rest and disappear in a full, satisfied stomach, there is no need for thinking. Subject, object, and the “space” (Roshi calls “space” you, the thinking self) have vanished. Contentment, or as Roshi would put it, “Completely togetherness with the Universe,” is manifesting. This is also the state that is referred to in Tathagata Zen as Zero or Emptiness.
However, this is not a situation where we can rest for long, however much one would like. Now another object appears outside of us, the dirty dishes need to be cleaned up and put away. Again there appears object ‘outside’ subject ‘inside’ and space ‘in between’.
In general, we human beings have an easier time starting things. To begin new ventures with fresh ideas, we have plenty of energy and enthusiasm. It is much more difficult for us to finish things, to end things, to say goodbye. Let’s take the metaphor of climbing a mountain.
Starting off fresh and full of energy and enthusiasm, off we go with the fresh mountain air filling our lungs. Finally we reach the top, the panoramic view is breathtaking and we are the ‘king of the world’, drinking in the sharp mountain air, no need to think, no need to go any further, we have arrived. Again the object has been reached, it is no longer an outside goal, the subject, object and the space can take a rest, we could say they have collapsed into one complete unity. But you cannot stay on the top of the mountain. There is even a koan about this.
Sekiso Osho said, “ How do you go beyond the top of a pole one hundred feet high? Even though he has entered into satori, he cannot be said to be really free. He must go beyond the top of the pole and manifest his whole body in the worlds of all directions.”
So where do you go from the top of the pole? This state of tranquility again breaks apart, it might occur to you that you are hungry, there are no restaurants up there, your family may be waiting down bellow. So now you must turn around and come down the mountain.
Coming down, finishing, and completing are often much harder to do. Now you do not feel so fresh, you are more aware of feeling tired and sore, coming down is a lot more difficult; you feel every branch that hits you in the face, every rock that hits your toe. Bringing things to a close and saying goodbye is so much harder for us human beings. I have watched great chefs cooking delicious dishes — so many pots and pans — but do they look forward to washing up, do they do the cleaning up with the same enthusiastic attitude as when starting a dish? Mostly not. Usually, a lesser kitchen help has that job. No, definitely cleaning up and finishing a chore is not viewed as favorably as starting a new venture. There is again a koan that refers to this very thing.
Joshu was asked by a So “ I have just entered this monastery. Master, please give me your instructions if any.” Joshu said, “You have already finished your breakfast, or haven’t you?”
The So replied, “Yes, I have.” Joshu said, “ Wash out your bowl.”
One of the main lessons we learn in the practice of Tathagata Zen is to let a ‘new self’ be born every minute. But how can that be done if we have not emptied, finished, or completed the last situation? The important bottom line is 100% complete. When the bottle is full, it cannot receive anything new. The stale water has to be poured out to be able to receive fresh, clean water. So how do we “empty”? Coming down the mountain, do we rest, soak our feet, with no goal in mind, do we take a nap? Give ourselves to complete peace, total silence? Or do we rush onto the next project, not even pausing, or sit there with a mirid thoughts and ideas in our head? Nowadays, many people have a great deal of trouble even getting a good night’s sleep; we seem to be afraid of even a few minutes of silence. In public places there is piped in music, when we are put on hold on the phone, music is playing. We seem to be terrified of true silence, it has even been labeled as “brain dead” if you have no thoughts chasing around in your mind. So, how can a new self be truly born?
The well-known Gestalt psychiatrist Fritz Pearls named the residue “unfinished business” and saw it as a legitimate reason for a lot of our human problems. We all have what is called in psychology “old baggage”; indeed, that is what makes up our identity, memories, experiences, etc. In his work, he insisted that you honestly look at your “baggage” and face it. Zen goes even further, it insists that you see it as no other than yourself, as your creation, the good, the bad, the ugly the beautiful. When you come to such understanding to completely embrace, except, and thereby return to Zero, take a big sigh and truly rest.
Look at our modern culture for instance, we are enamored with youth, with the future, new innovations etc.. especially in the US. Perhaps it is because our forefathers ran away from their past, ran towards a new, fresh life. It is not wrong to feel that way, but we have to finish and embrace the unpleasant, the difficult goodbyes with the same wholehearted attitude. As an example, there is obviously a difference between changing diapers for a newborn baby and an old person with incontinence. Why is one pleasurable and the other we take as an unwelcome chore? Why is this? Is it because we want to run away from painful, negative problems? We want to keep them hidden, let someone else deal with them, perhaps a nursing home should handle such situations? But we all know that these things do not go away, they stay to haunt us, nag us, slowly festering in the background.
There is an old saying:
“When the devil comes to your front door, and you slam the door in his face, then he surely will come through the back door and wake you up in the middle of the night!”
Roshi taught:
“The purpose of Tathagata zen is to completely manifest a new self every moment”
So, in your daily life with a strong will, take this seemingly constant thinking, naming, analyzing, and judging self and wholeheartedly throw it into whatever is the next thing that appears in front of you, good or bad. When that ‘individual ego’ is not there to evaluate, there is no problem. In the famous Sin-Jin-Mei, the first line says:
“The Great Way is not difficult; only avoid picking and choosing.”
When you have completely “emptied, or died”, this completeness again splits apart and the new self that is reborn has gained a deeper wisdom as its content. This new ‘self’ again can look to the future and to the past and has the ability to discern to discriminate. This “newborn” self again has to disappear into an activity or a non-activity that appears in front of it. So we live our life alternating between having a ‘self’ and having ‘no self’. Like our little zendo’s name, ENTSUAN: Roshi translated its meaning as “Free from God, free from Human” at ease in both worlds.
You are probably familiar with the two symbols Yin and Yang, with a white dot in the middle of the black area and a black dot in the middle of the white area, all together they make a perfect circle. This sphere is spinning. When the white area containing the small black dot grows to its ultimate expansion, the black with the small white dot takes over and starts its expansion.
When you experience the seasons, you should realize that the whole universe is doing this very activity. On the darkest day of the year, the winter solstice, even there, it does not rest for long, but the little white dot (the seed of summer) starts growing. The same is repeated at the height of the longest day of summer, the summer solstice. Little rest there, at once the kernel of winter starts it’s growing.
IMPERMANENCE, constant movement: it is eternal, nothing is ever fixated, only our human mind is the one grasping for solid, fixated permanence and trying to hang on to pleasurable things while trying to avoid unpleasant feelings. To stop movement is not only impossible but it causes a lot of suffering. The only thing that is eternal is the ever-moving Dharma activity. We have to see that this Dharma activity is not only something that is happening outside of ourselves but it is our VERY CONTENT. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are constantly doing this very activity. ‘Enlightenment’ is when it becomes crystal clear and we ‘see’ with our whole being that this is truly what IS and manifest this constant ebb and flow in our daily life with awareness.
Shozan and Myodo Joslyn
Entsuan Zen
Bainbridge Island
